Today was a long, hot and tiring day so as on my way home I came up with a plan. This plan was:
1. Take a cool shower
2. Put on comfy clothes
3. Pour some wine for Edward and me
4. Relax on the sofa until we decided we were hungry
5. Get dinner on the table.
Instead I opened the front door to the house and found our next door neighbor (Mrs. Kravitz) inside yammering on to poor Edward. This was most certainly not on my list for the evening.
(A little background may be in order here……..last week Mrs. Krantz suffered a catastrophic automotive breakdown (because she is an idiot mostly) and we have let her borrow mine for errands when I’m not using it. Last week was great since I was out-of-town but Edward says she was still over every hour updating him on ‘things’. This week she usually comes every two hours……usually the minute we are naked…..ugh. And it’s not like she comes over with an update and then leave. OH NO. She comes over and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks. OMG.)
So I waltzed unknowingly through the door and into the visit from hell. There she was going on with her story and her plans and blah, blah, blah…..loudly.
I started by shredding up the chicken in the crockpot. She kept talking.
I made guacamole. She was still talking.
I poured wine for Ed and me (for about 10 seconds pondering how rude it was to not offer her any) Still talking
Sat and listened to her talk for a while. I don’t think she stopped to breathe.
Finally I went to take a shower and change. Her talking the whole time.
I made mean gestures behind her back on my way out of the room in hint that Edward should get her OUT of the house. She didn’t notice because why? She was still talking.
Got in the shower. Could still hear her talking
Got out of the shower. She was still talking.
My this point I was considering homicide…..I mean seriously??????????????
At some point while I was drying off Edward got her outside and left her there…….lol. He said she met him when when he got home from work and helped carry the Wal-Mart bags into the house and started talking.. He said if he hadn’t told her he was going to change he was pretty sure she would have followed him into the bedroom. At the end he said he had to get the rest of the stuff out of the truck to lure her outside.
Of course 20 minutes later she was back at the door but I didn’t let her over the threshold.
We need a new house…..far, far away………and Mrs Kravitz can’t have the address.